I know this was the first poem written in the sequence. I'm not sure of the rest, but I suspect they were written in the order presented, or else I would have logically (scientifically) put Mercury after Venus, going towards the sun with the rocky planets, then away with the gas giants and the rest of the solar system. This would also have conceptually matched the order in Holst's The Planets.

So first of all, the structure. I have a book called The Poet's Manual And Rhyming Dictionary, which informs much of my technical knowledge of poetry. Also a slim volume called The Sonnet. The emphasis in both is similar but not identical. For this poem, I leaned towards the volume that specialises in the sonnet over the few pages in the first book, or others. The rhythm of iambic pentameter is relatively simple to maintain, once you get into the swing of it, although occasionally a word will have the weight of the foot in the wrong place.

So some of my edits were to rectify this. Unless you were reading it aloud, or strongly thinking of "short-long" reading silently, it's a hiccup and the syllable count still keeps you steady. But I could fix them, and in the process fix a little bit of repetition. Here and there, an odd word sounded wrong, so I found what I thought was one that worked better.

The amazing thing was that so much (rhyme scheme in particular) just came out right, and the case of this poem, the subtle breaks. I still find it interesting  that such things often come easily - until the times that it doesn't!