Another five-finger exercise from the late 70s. A poem I wrote at about the same time as The Guitarist, and under similar circumstances. Someone (possibly me) had a small clock where you could see the workings, and it was the inspiration for this.

There were a few edits required, removing redundant words, and adding better descriptions. The major one was done to replace a poor half rhyme ("thin" with "frozen",) which didn't quite work and irritated me even while I kept it. So 40+ years on, a second look gave me "fragile" and "immobile, a perfect rhyme without a change of thought.

The rhyme scheme that forced the change was A-B-C-A-B-C for each of the first two sets of six lines, followed by 4 lines rhyming A-B-B-A. Like The Guitarist, it refuses to break down into verses. To me, it looks like it should work as a sonnet (but only in the rhymes - there is no fixed rhythm, the verses don't break, and the last 4 lines don't fit either the Italian for (6 line envoi) or the English (Shakespearean) sonnet with its epigrammatic 2 line finish.

I'm of the mind to try a total rewrite in sonnet form to test my skills - at least I have rhymes to guide me. Perhaps in the future.